A Latter Day Saint
I am sitting here, staring at the near blank screen of my computer. It is sparse of any information, save the deep green background and the menus of the word processor program. And the cursor. That blinking bar of contempt, ever reminding me that I have not written anything in weeks. I stare at the blinking vertical reminder. Like a flash it appears and then it quickly fades away. Perhaps it won’t come back and I will have something to do. Maybe my computer has frozen and it will take a good hour or more of creative enterprise to fix it. It would be nice to feel creative again.
Another flash and the cursor is back. That little shit. At least I know why I am angry at it. This little bastion of repetition and accountability is to be trusted, whereas my performance is spotty at best. Maybe that’s why I was never good at sports. That and my lack of ambition. Or something. Blink-on, blink-off. Dammit, I have to take a break! I’m not even working but I have to take a break from ... this. I’ll go grab a paper downstairs. That’ll make me feel like a writer.
So I hurry out the door of my room, pulling on a dark blue windbreaker as I go. Fuck, I forgot to lock it. So I walk back the five feet I had traveled and stand in front of my door, searching through the mound of keys in my hand. There we are. I push my foot in at the bottom of the door gently so that the lock fits the hole, I insert the key into the lock and turn it with ease.
“Hey, what’s up?” asks a neighbor of mine, walking down the hall.
“Oh, nothing, you know. Work and stuff.”
“Well, take it easy.”
“Later.”
I walk down the hall and hit the call button for the elevator. And I wait. I stare at the lit down arrow as it pulses from bright to weak to weaker and back. Always, my whole life, will I be waiting and staring at the lights. I sigh. The light disappears and I look around to see which elevator has graced my presence. Number 4 ... well, this should be fun. I step onto the elevator and push one.
“Come on, let’s go,” I mutter to the elevator. It helps. I push the close door button. It also helps. Finally, after ten painful seconds, the doors begin to close slowly. There is a brief lurch as the elevator begins to go down and then it evens out. It sure would be nicer to fly.
“Well, at least it’s not stopping on any other floors,” I say to reassure myself. And then the elevator stops abruptly.
“Sonofa bitch, what was that?” I demand. No doors open. No movement. I wait for half a minute. I reach down and hit the open door button to see if I’ve stopped on a floor. The doors open slowly to reveal nothing. Darkness, save the little rectangle of light coming from the very top of the open elevator doors.
“Oh fuck,” I say. Someone must have heard me, or heard the doors open on their floor as I soon saw dress shoes in the lit opening, and then the dress shoes became a person’s head looking in on me.
“Hello,” says the head. “You alright down there?”
“Yeah, I’m peachy.”
“How’d that happen?”
“How the fuck should I know?”
“Is this a bad time to talk to you about the book of Mormon?”
“Yes.”
“Yes it is a bad time to talk to you about it, or yes you’d like to talk about it?”
“No, I would not like to talk about it. I would like to get off of this fucking elevator.”
A Jeremiah Adams Original, ©2002, Jeremiah Adams™ etc etc.